What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 13:03
He resisted the act ,that day.
I think the readers, may guess!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
United Switches Off Starlink Internet on Regional Jets After Static Problem - WSJ
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Does Rosemary aroma really improve memory? Here’s what research says - Times of India
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But, we were locked up after school.
SpaceX fires up Super Heavy booster ahead of Starship's 10th test flight (video) - Space
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is soul school!.
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Comes on , in middle age.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Can you name a female actress who has had bad timing or luck in her film career?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I have no regrets .
What is your language's pangram?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What are some signs he is deeply in love with you?
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
People Can Fly cancels 2 games including Square Enix project - Video Games Chronicle
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She loved him until the end.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were not on the streets..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
What did i know ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My family never makes their pension either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It was going to be , some day.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We all went to grammer schools
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I will be 64.
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot live in the past .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
All the time i was locked up.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I write beautiful poetry .
When she asked me how she looked .
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
So, i spoilt her more .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ive learnt so much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She found it foreign!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was seconnd youngest,
(And it was in our own minds.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was scared of men, in general
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)